The definition of remorse in the Oxford English Dictionary is:
“Feel sad, repented, or disappointed about that (something someone has done or failed to do)”
When did you last sit down and wonder:
“What are my hopes, dreams and plans?”
“What does my future look like?”
“What is my purpose in life?”
“What do I really want in life, in love and in my work?”
How we set ourselves up to build a healthy life compared to a half-life is usually more about the regrets we have for things we have failed to do than the things we actually did.
We deeply regret not being our own worthy creatures, or the person we really wanted to be. We regret living an unfulfilled life. We regret living in fear and not having the courage to focus on the most important things and people.
What We Regret So Much
I knew that if I failed, I would never regret it, but I knew one thing I could regret was not trying. – Jeff Bezos
Psychologist Tom Gilovich and his colleague Shai Davidei found in a new study entitled “The Ideal Road Not Taken” that people are more prone to regret failing to achieve their hopes, goals and aspirations than they regret failing to fulfill their duties, responsibilities and obligations.
Published in Emotion, researchers evaluate hundreds of participants, making a distinction between “honest person” (not achieving personal goals, dreams and aspirations) and “self-worth” (who do not meet the norms and rules they had for themselves or to fulfill their obligations to others), before asking them to write, write and separate their regrets. 
Across various studies, participants said they had experienced regrets about their self-esteem more often (72 percent and 28 percent).
They described appropriate regrets rather than appropriate regrets when asked to write their regrets in life so far (57 percent compared to 43 percent).
When asked to name one of the biggest regrets in life, participants often said they regretted not doing their best qualifications (76 percent compared to 24 percent mean proper regret).
“When we look at our lives, we think we should be striving for our beauty, becoming the person we would like to be. That regret will cling to you, because that is what you look out of the front window of life. The ‘right’ regrets are potholes. These were problems, but now they have left you. ”- Tom Gilovich
Let us consider a few questions:
What do you now regret most about your life?
What do you not want to regret about your life when your time is up?
People regret having not done more than their actions in the long run. None of us are perfect. We will all make mistakes. We can often learn from our mistakes, and we can take steps to correct matters.
Many mistakes can be corrected or apologized. Failure to do something, not having the courage to follow that can bother us for a long time.
Maybe you never started writing that book even though you love writing. Maybe you haven’t started your dream business because you’re afraid of what people will think if you really try.
You did not read the instrument you were looking for because you were worried that you would not be good enough. You did not continue your education because your friends were getting jobs.
Most people wait for inspiration and confidence before starting. They wait and wait and never take that first step.
The thing is, taking action is the first step to making sure you avoid regrets.
Self-confidence comes with action. Making a commitment to follow and having the courage to do so creates momentum.
“If you can’t put yourself in harm’s way, you can’t grow. If you can’t grow up, you can’t be the best person ever. If you can’t do your best, you can’t be happy. If not, what else is important? ”- Dr. David Viscott
The things we want to do in our lives do not go. The extraordinary results we want to achieve in our lives, in our relationships, in our work, in our health and well-being, and in our mission are driven by courage and faith.
When we do not fearlessly follow these things, we begin to blame ourselves for not taking action and complacent combinations.
Willa, Shoulda, Cana
But by setting your goals and priorities in life, you can build on the human strength needed to move forward, and take action on the most important things. Avoiding something that can ruin our lives is a good life – regret.
When you decide to focus on building your own future, to create a life without regrets when you go from “Willa, Cana, Shoulda” to “I have lived the life I should live” and “I have made a difference.”
To get through this most difficult journey, we need to take one step at a time, but we must continue to walk. – Chinese proverb
Bonnie Ware’s 2012 book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying tells us a lot about living a life of reducing regrets.  Ware spent many years in intensive care, caring for patients who had gone home to die. When she asked these patients about any regrets they had or whatever they would do differently, many common themes emerged.
The five most common themes were reversed:
I wish I had the courage to live a real life for myself and not the life that others expected of me
I wish I had not worked harder
I wish I had the courage to express my feelings
I wish I could keep in touch with friends
I wish I could let myself be happier
The most common remorse, the farther away, was that ‘I wish I had the courage to live a life that was real to me and not the life that others expected of me. According to Ware:
“Most people haven’t even paid attention to half of their dreams and should have died knowing it was because of the decisions they made, or didn’t make.”
The themes are similar to those that came when Guardian journalist Emma Freud asked a question on Twitter “What’s your biggest regret?”
Frightening with fear, remorse and bad choices about love, learning and losing were the most common responses.
The most common regrets are the following:
Do not do right / be present when someone dies
Not to pursue higher levels of education
Fear to follow their dreams
Unwanted or unloving love
Regrets surrounding anxiety
It takes a long time to make a change
5 Most Important Things in Your Life
Throughout my research, talking to clients, friends, family and my self-reflection analysis in my life, there are five key things in your life that you can regret not pursuing if you do nothing about them today.
Many other regrets may be the result of poor judgment.
- Be a Real Person
We often allow doubts and fears to hold us back from living a life of purpose and passion. This prevents us from constantly growing and becoming a better version of ourselves.
We have many things we want to do in our lives, but many of these things do not see the light of day. We want to do things, to gain, to be successful, to build strong relationships but we hold ourselves back.
This leads to remorse, regret and self-doubt. But it is within us to create that wonderful life we want. To see more. Do more. Learn more. Going over.
It means not worrying about what others think. Not worrying about who will judge us.
Be fully present, surround yourself with the right people who make you happy, have more fun and take more risks.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall you get up and move on.
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed in the things you did not do than in the things you did. So discard the dishes. Drive away from the safe harbor. Take the trading winds of your sails. Check. The dream. Find out. ”- Mark Twain
- Not Chasing Your Dreams
If you do not have clarity about your main purpose, dreams and goals, it is very easy to get caught up in everyday life.
You have been in long hours at work, the same friends, the same jobs, the same habits, the same habits.
No growth, no change, no change. Instead of pursuing your dreams and growing up every day you get stuck.
When you have a clear direction for your life, when your priorities are high, you are clear about the steps you can take to move forward.
You know where you are. He knows what is most important. You know where you are going.
He lives a purposeful life, an act of love. You have a lot of fun. She is even happier. You are more confident. You learn and grow every day.
You are completely confident, so you are willing to take a lot of risks by following your dreams. Start setting your goals today.
- Live Your Life, Not Someone else’s Life
Comparing yourself to others and living another person’s life can only lead to bitterness, insecurity, inactivity and heartache.
“Be yourself; everyone is taken.” – Oscar Wilde
Your life is your life and your journey is your journey. We must make changes in our lives because we want to, not because of the actions or reactions of someone else.
Stay away from bad places and bad people who can ruin your progress, destroy your self-esteem and cause you to feel inferior. Instead, surround yourself with people who encourage you.
Many of us come into life thinking that a good son or daughter should live, or what our parents ‘expect’ of us.
We often make important decisions in life and in business because we think that is what will make our parents happy. We believe that our happiness is found in their happiness.
It is only later, when we are not satisfied with our lives that we begin to ask “Whose life am I living?”
Start your race on your own terms to prevent feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that can lead to inefficiency and regret.
- Starting Tomorrow
We always think we have more time than we have. The fact is that we are not. We don’t know what the future holds for us, so the best thing you can do is start making an opportunity today.
When you set goals, the goals that you set are best for you in the future. The best way to build that beautiful future is to start now, in the present moment, not tomorrow.
Spending just five minutes now doing something important, in the present moment, can help you bring one step closer to your dreams.
It could be the decision you make, the conversation you have, something you learn. It could be anything. The point is to focus on the present moment.
What can you back off from focusing on now?
Do you want to be healthy?
Do you want to exercise more?
Do you want to learn a language?
Do you want to spend more time with someone important?
Do you want to reconnect with old friends?
Do you want to be a better parent / husband / wife / son / daughter?
It could be anything. The point is simply to start and take action on what is most important to you.
- Missing Time with Family and Friends
One of the biggest investments you can make in your life is to cut back on spending time with the most important people.
This is often said more easily than it does. How do you balance your commitment to work and being at home for dinner with your family or spending more time with your children?
I would say that freeing up your spare time and family-focused time improves your performance at work, but that’s another story.
Long and long periods of work can be stressful and stressful. You worry about not ‘taking hours off work’ and creating problems with your boss and co-workers, but at the same time your family relies on you to be there.
Making it your family’s long hours can be an ongoing struggle. Missing family meals for the sake of ‘quality time’ on the weekend is hard to forgive.
It is really about managing your system to make sure you are present on all the important days and times in the hearts and minds of those people closest to you.
This reminds me of a story, published in Gary Keller’s book The One Thing:
One night, a little boy jumped on his father’s lap and whispered, “Daddy, we don’t spend enough time together.” The father, who loved his son very much, knew in his heart that this was true and replied, “You are right and I am very sorry. But I promise I will do it for you. Since tomorrow is Saturday, why not spend a whole day together? Me and you just! ”It was a plan, the boy slept that night smiling, thinking of the day, happy with the good opportunities with his Pops.
The next morning, Dad woke up early. She wanted to make sure she could still enjoy her cup of coffee and breakfast paper before her son woke up, injured and ready to leave. Losing his mind while reading a business class, he was taken by surprise when his son suddenly pulled down a newspaper and shouted enthusiastically, “Father, I’m awake. Let’s play! “
The father, although very happy to see his son and determined to start the day together, found himself guilty of longing to finish his morning routine. Quickly shaking his brain, he came across a promising vision. He grabbed his son, kissed him tenderly, and announced that their first game would be to put a puzzle together, and once that was done, “we’ll go out and play all day.”
Earlier in his study, he had seen a page-filled ad with a picture of the world. He quickly found it, tore it to pieces, and laid it on the table. She got her son a tape and said, “I want to see how you can quickly put this puzzle together.” The boy sank deeper, while his father, convinced that he had now bought more time, buried himself in his paper.
Within minutes, the boy put down his father’s newspaper and proudly declared, “Daddy, I’m done!” My father was amazed. Because what was before him – complete, complete, and perfect – was a picture of the world, reunited as it was in the ad and not a single piece outside the scene. In a voice mixed with parental pride and surprise, Dad asked, “How on earth did you do that so quickly?”
The little boy shone. “It was easy, Dad! I couldn’t do it at first and I started to quit, it was very difficult. But then I threw the piece down, and because it was a table above the glass, when I looked up I saw a picture of a man on the other side. That gave me an idea!
“When I put the man together, the world just came together.”
So, in the end, we often feel sorry for the opportunity we have missed.
However, if you know what you are following, then you will find a way to reach it.
Too often, we do not concentrate and spend enough time figuring out how to live the life we want. This leads to discrimination, self-doubt, blame and remorse.
It is not always easy, but if you know where you are heading (your bright future), set some goals and commit to getting to the point where it is important to take your time and be clear about what you stand for.
Gain clarity about what is and what is most important to you, what your purpose is, and then take bold steps to focus only on those things that really matter.
That way, you are more likely to lead a healthier life, than to have complete regrets.
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