I break free after the end of my last relationship. It was a peaceful breakup – an unnecessary drama (mostly), a perfect friendship – but when I stripped myself of my hope for the future with Boy X, I stood up for the sad truth: I had no idea who I was.
I knew who I was before I fell in love with my first boyfriend. I had no idea about happiness – a 20-year-old boy who had a crush on someone who wanted his first kiss to be with the man he was going to marry. I was driven and independent. Focused and immovable. Eventually, I lost control of him. My passions faltered, I lost contact with my friends and lost sight of God. When the relationship ended, I didn’t know who I would be without her.
I spent two years looking for someone to fill the vacancy, until I decided to indulge my passions, invest in family relationships and friendships and focus on God. I found myself – and I found happiness – alone. Here’s what you can do, too:
- Accept your relationship with your spouse. Acceptance is the healing power. Accept the fact that you cannot change the situation yourself. Accept the fact that the relationship ended. Accept that it is time to move on.
- Do not explore opportunities to explore. Remove Tinder / Grinder, resist the urge to reuse the front flame, avoid blind days, etc. Shift your focus on yourself.
- Avoid talking to interested people (POI). Dating-but-of-don’t-refer-to-it-as-dating-these-days-because-millenials-fear-commit is a form of communication. Conversations begin with “How is your day?” “Tell me your dreams.” Avoid revealing the inner workings and details of your daily life and be in any POI, and don’t worry about anyone else. Remember: this time is about you.
- Focus on your work. Include frustration, doubt, loneliness – any negative energy embedded in you – in your work, and make it your goal to excel professionally. This will pay off (in more ways than just making money) in good time.
- Invest in old friendships. Reconnect with friends you swept under the hook during your relationship. They miss you.
- Look for new friendships. Get out of your comfort zone and start a new, meaningful friendship.
- Find what you like. Drawing. Writing. Photos. Reading. Dancing. Rock climbing. Stone collections. Find a hobby that grows your soul and your happiness.
- Be your POI. Spend quality time with you. Take it with you to the grocery store or the restaurant. Spend a day at the spa. Buy flowers or chocolate. Time alone allows us to better understand ourselves.
- Have fun. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you cannot truly know and be happy with someone until you start to know and be happy about yourself.
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