I used to grow up with the idea that I needed a relationship to make myself perfect. I don’t know if it was seeing my parents together for the rest of my life or dating on TV, but not having a relationship really scared me.
Society also makes it seem like women should be in a relationship. That if a woman of a certain age is not married, then there must be something wrong with them. It almost felt that your worth depends on your relationship status.
When I was in high school, I remember feeling very lonely. I watched girls in my studies enter into relationships after relationships. They would be asked to do a prom and go home, while I was really alone. I did not like each other very much, but when I did, I stuck with whatever relationship I was offered. No matter how the boy treated me, I was just happy to be alone.
In college, it got really bad. I used to adapt to the “situation,” which was short-lived and where my emotions were taking advantage of me. I compromised my values, put their feelings ahead of my own, and ignored my own boundaries. And honestly, most of the guys I just met could be what they can be, rather than see what they are.
What I have noticed in all my relationships is that I was not alone. I needed them to reassure me of my feelings. All my happiness depended on them. As long as they loved me, I loved them too; when they left, I was too quick to blame myself.
But that is a huge burden to put on someone else. People make mistakes, and you never know when they will leave your life.
After having a failed relationship, I finally took the initiative to look at what was wrong. And that’s when I realized I had to be perfect on my own. That the relationship did not define my happiness. And, most importantly, I had to love myself before I could love anyone else.
Singleness does not have to be a negative experience. It doesn’t make you unattractive and you don’t need to be perfect. While relationships can be good, they do not have to come first. There is nothing wrong with taking some time to yourself. Because when you come to the prospect of a relationship, you will solve anything, which leads to more toxic situations.
Take this time to learn who you are, what you want out of life, and what goals you would like to achieve. Spend time with people who truly love you and appreciate you. Travel the world and try new things. Find happiness within yourself and love yourself unconditionally. If somebody comes, that’s fine, but if not, that’s fine too.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: