Recently, a group of my friends were talking about our worst relatives. There are various factors to consider when considering such relationships, and we all have our own way of doing this.
Even after we had been doing so for weeks, the question remained in my mind. I tried to imagine running into a mine somewhere random when I was alone, with his wife and son. I wondered how I would feel and if I could even silence the real words at that moment. For years our paths crossed. Truth be told, I don’t want to see her again. Not because I keep any negative feelings about ourselves; I don’t think there’s anything good that can come out of any of us.
But that doesn’t mean I have nothing to say. In fact, I ended up having a few things because I realized I was completely perfect for him. When you are ready, here are a few things you should be able to say if you are really over it.
- “I was injured.”
Acknowledging how you felt during the relationship is a big step forward. Often, this is the only way for people to go through the exes – focus on the bad, remember how much pain they have caused, and so on. But being able to say it truthfully, without tears, is a burden in itself.
At all times you waited for me until it became clear the coast was moving…
All the time you talked down in front of our friends…
You always did not appreciate my work…
All the time you talked about me without listening to my side…
You always make fun of things and people that are important to me…
Every time you made me feel small, I was really hurt.
Approval. To him, and to you personally. Why? Because it is an integral part of the healing process. If you do not know why you are injured, it can be very difficult to continue. You can pinpoint what has hurt you in the relationship (anything that has made you a bad boyfriend) and find a way to pass each action, and in the end, overcome it. Admitting that you were in pain and saying the things that caused them allows you to finally say it.
- “I’m sorry.”
They say that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. I can’t stress how true that is. Often it is based on the fact that the other person asks for forgiveness before forgiving him or her. But what if they don’t? Then you will be clinging to something painful and bad in your life. When they, as far as you know, don’t care how it made you feel.
No circumstances, no strings attached, nothing but forgiveness.
And it’s not just what you say; it takes a transgression of faith. We cannot wait to let our hearts be troubled before we forgive. Instead, it is the other way around. Once we have made a decision and continue to forgive the person, only then will the pain begin to disappear. Your heart will feel a little lighter every day; your smile is bigger. The gift of forgiveness is given to the one who forgives.
- “I’m sorry.”
You cannot always play the victim’s card. In fact, in any relationship, both will always be flawed because we are all human. You probably think, what if he was crazy ?! (Impossible, but let’s just change about it.) Well, maybe the mistake would have been to allow them to take advantage of you, or to be independent, or to leave before the relationship, or to seek appropriate help. Easier said than done, I know.
Especially if you’re in the middle of an emotional roller coaster. But if we can believe that asking for forgiveness is an important step, we will eventually find a way to do it.
Do you remember our reminder? I forgot about that, too. I’m sorry.
I know how much you enjoy spending time with your friends. I’m sorry I felt so insecure.
I did not mean to start a war. I’m sorry.
I should not have gone so far as to despise it.
I’ve been cranky for days. And I didn’t mean to bring them out to you.
Every time I bother you, I really apologize.
People often think differently in a relationship during a conflict. We hate what they have done and ignore our shortcomings. It is easy for us to justify our mistakes. And yet it’s hard to find a reason when you understand someone else’s action. That is one of our mistakes as human beings.
So as we find time to try to recover, examine your actions appropriately. You will learn a lot not only from what they did to you but also from how you behaved. I hope, you will take those lessons to heart and find your next relationship, and hopefully last, for the rest of your life.
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