My first heart attack was probably one of the worst experiences of my life so far. We were the angry couple who lived together, who were always in love, and sadly, they had high hopes for our future. When the truth came to him he realized that “maybe this is not mine,” my life, my heart, and my future were shattered into millions of pieces that I had to associate with myself.
It took four years of self-love, emotional thinking and a few ounces of alcohol for me to soak my toes in a cool pool, but I did, and that’s where I met the second love of my life. For about a month on it, I knew I was falling and in my awareness, it was not like the first time. Part of me thinks I knew right away that even though I loved her, it wasn’t the kind of eternal love. Very fast seven months, a few trips together, many internal manifestations and relationships ended, and so began my second heartbreak. It was the end of both of us, and even though I was still feeling tears in my already scarred heart, I realized it was easier a second time around and I saw these seven things a second time around.
- It will always hurt.
It hurts the heart – it will always hurt. Although the second round is a little easier, I would be lying to you if I told you I wasn’t really crying. I remember rolling around in a ball while sitting with my mom and letting those tears fall like a waterfall. But unlike the first time, I understood why this split occurred and let those sad feelings fall on me until there was nothing left and I did my best to understand why I was feeling and how I could do better in the future all around.
- I made the same mistakes in both relationships.
I am an analyst so after the second split I kept analyzing, sat down and analyzed and finally realized that I was making the same mistakes in both my relationships. So instead of focusing on that I wondered why, why I repeated those actions or those words and after many hours of meditation led to some very interesting human revelations.
- “You have the language of love” and if one of your significant other does not understand that language of love it will never work.
We all want to be loved and that includes feeling loved and feeling loved and your important partner should see how you feel loved. Some feel loved by being told, “I love you” others feel loved by kissing or kissing, others feel loved by being anointed after a long day or by leaving the sports section of the newspaper because you know you will want to read it. I feel loved when one of my significant other does small things for me, such as bringing me coffee in the morning, holding my hand when we cross the street, sitting on a Friday after a long week, coming to my soccer games without me asking, or kissing my forehead. Both of my classmates did not understand this and it eventually led to my feeling unloved and as we all know feelings of unloving create a worried, fascinated woman, who allows me to be at the end of my relationship. So when I get into my next relationship, I realize that I will have to be at the forefront of how I feel about being loved. That also goes both ways because I also need to understand how my other important future feels loved, because I firmly believe that feeling unloved is one of the worst feelings in the world.
- Just because you love them doesn’t mean you should love them less.
In my first relationship, I lost – I lost everyone. And then, after that divorce, I had to start over and rebuild. In my second relationship, I was determined not to give up on myself (because heck, I spent 4 years as an adult!) But after a while, my friends and family said I had lost my independence. I stopped running (I was running 10 miles a day at first), I started drinking a lot (he was a little participant) and I used to, in case I slept in my bed (I made excuses that there was loneliness without him). What I see now is that my second love, I fell in love with an independent girl from the beginning of the relationship and as time went on and I became more dependent on her, it started to have a negative effect on her. So just because you love someone does not mean that you have to love yourself less because trusting someone else leads to resentment and need, there is nothing attractive.
- If their habits remind you of the past, run away from the hills – now.
It wasn’t until after my second divorce that I realized what my ex looked like. Both are kind of “party life”, the ones you always see in the middle of the dance floor with a bottle of champagne. To be honest I liked it, at first. But after going to so many parties, I needed to hang up my heels and sleep one or five nights, not going to 10 rounds in a different place. Both of my classmates drank more than they should have, and I followed. They were both awesome in communication, they didn’t have solid jobs (don’t you mean sugar momma?) And they looked the same. In the beginning I should have seen these qualities in my second relationship, and to some extent I thought I did, but I dismissed the red flags as fear. Your ex is your partner for many reasons and if some of those reasons start to emerge in your current relationship, it’s probably time for serious talk or some thought about what you want from your important partner.
- Take your time.
In both of my relationships, I felt like I was moving fast and rarely had time to see what was happening before it happened. Case in point, in both the relationship “I love you” was said during the first month. In my first relationship, I had a diamond engagement ring after three months of dating and my second came to a Thanksgiving dinner in my second month. As a beloved girl, I dream of the love of my life, the past and I can’t wait to meet the man who will be my helper
until I’m old and weak, but that’s the point, isn’t it? He is eternal, so why chase him?
- Don’t be afraid to love again.
Only if you are in love when you are really lucky or shut up after the first heartbreak. I admit, the heartache is worse; emotional, traumatic, traumatic – all break out, but I firmly believe that everyone deserves what you don’t like like me, mind blowing, relaxed, love that always leads to happiness. After both my separation, I went to a family friend who helped me with my meditation time. On one of my recent occasions, he said something that made me happy. He told me that every day he wakes up and “chooses love.” Admittedly, I had never felt that way before, and I quickly realized how easy it was to choose love. So even though my heart is pierced, broken, and a little weak, I wake up every day and choose love, because I deserve it too.
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