Fuck it. I’ve been trying so hard not to think about you. I signed up for new things to do to keep it in my mind. I threw myself at work so it didn’t get in my head all the time. I threw myself into the company of all the people around me so that I would not think of you.
I went nuts looking to forget about you. I’ve been doing everything, every single thing I’ve learned, every single thing on the list one has to do to find someone else. I even deleted my social media accounts to stop activating yours.
I have deleted every single message and every single image so I will not have anything to remind you of, yet I am still obsessed with you, and even in my busiest moments, the thought that you are always bothering me.
I’ve been trying to fill this void even though I hear a lot about it. I’ve been trying to find any way not to feel like there’s a space inside me since you left. But what if I have to feel this nonsense after all?
Maybe my over-love for you is what kept me from getting it, or maybe I’m not ready to get over it now. Maybe I should stop pressuring and forcing myself to move on and get past you when I still fail. Maybe right now it’s not a continuation of life. Maybe I need some time. Maybe I didn’t understand all this time that there are no specific steps that will magically allow you to skip another unless you are really ready.
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