This is done for anyone who has ever been asked by a family member, co-worker, hairdresser, or someone you do not know randomly why “you are not married.”
For anyone who has said, “Yes, I’m not married yet.” Then it says: “Thank you for reminding me.”
This has always been my usual response when I absolutely hated being single. I did not like the fact that people kept reminding me that I was alone. I had no one to turn to every night and crouched on the sofa.
Every time someone asked me that question, it was as if a stage lamp shone on me, letting everyone around me know that I was not yet married. And not only that, but:
I will live alone forever.
No one likes me.
I don’t fit right.
No one finds me interesting
No one will take a chance on me.
I have to start accepting cats.
These were the answers I gave my mom when we were going to talk about my dating life.
At various points in my life, I have been fortunate to see some of my best friends, coworkers and family members find their special someone in life. I have always been happy for each of them.
I was jealous that they found love and I didn’t? No. But it really made me want to find my true love, because I wanted to feel all the good and bad that relationships bring.
But that’s the problem right there: “… I wanted to find my true love.” I was like a heroic princess in hunting to find her man. I should have just walked away with a mark on my forehead that read “Desperate for Love.”
Nothing has really changed in all of this, because I am not yet married. Except for one very important thing: my attitude toward singleness. Five years ago I would tell you that I hate singleness. I was angry and seemed to overlook the fact that no one wanted to be my boyfriend.
Now? I have no problem with singleness.
So how did I change my attitude and enjoy being single? Yes, it involved many tears and long phone calls with my mom. She assured me that I would never be a lonely cat all my life. I don’t know how but moms somehow always make a lot of sense, or don’t think it’s possible.
But with the key text, in order to be truly free of singleness, I really had to be alone for a while. That didn’t mean there was no flying or communication. Nothing.
Not only did I have to enjoy my time alone, but I also had to rethink my thinking around what it meant to be single. Singleness gives me a sense of accomplishment. I am allowed to do what I want, to go anytime, to be with anyone, and to focus on myself, without feeling completely selfish.
It took a while for me to fully recover from being single. But I do know that I’m slowly getting to the point where I can’t explain my reasons for being single.
When your life is full of fun, people often stop asking questions about your love life, because they see how full it is just for you.
When my friends and I start talking about relationships and marriage, I always ask them one deep question: are you finally ready for your one true love? Chances are they haven’t solved it at all. Now why should I do that? When I remind them of this, something changes for them. They realize how fortunate they were to find their true love.
I know they want the best for me when it comes to relationships. And I want the same for myself. But that doesn’t mean I have to pay for anything. If that means I’m not married for a while, then I’m right about that fact.
I’ve never been a person to solve anything in life, so why should I do otherwise with love?
Remember: don’t look for any guy. Take time to appreciate the fact that you are not married. Enjoy weekends with friends, travel all over the world, and spend time with your family. You will be so busy that you will not even think about being single. Who knows, maybe when you’re out there enjoying life you’ll meet him – when you least expect it.
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