I have been doing this to my wife for eight years and today I am full of regrets
The Way I See It
We had a baby! A little baby boy who finally came into our lives after waiting for nine months. I was still thrilled with the way his little hand wrapped around my finger. But the happiness was short-lived. While waiting to return home after giving birth, we were plagued by unknown problems that my wife had caused; a blood disorder that threatened to kill him.
I held the baby in one hand and held out my hand. I was shocked and horrified when he was wheeled off for an examination. My happiness and my new family life turned back in a matter of hours. I was forced to work even though an unexpected shock came our way.
My wife is my rock, but I had to stand firm without her. I had to stand firm for him. It all felt completely inadequate.
When you react to your loved ones, you are often afraid of the worst. I was no different. I was just starting to think, if only I could go back all those years and live a minute with someone else…
We all lived with the moral perception that gadgets and social media are bringing people closer, but I have found it difficult to meet face-to-face even in the most important relationships in my life. Because of my work and gadgets, I never stopped spending time with my wife. It took a jolt to see his value in my life – a jolt that I did not want even my worst enemy.
My wife and I have known each other for over eight years. It started out as a friendship, then a love affair, and finally a marriage. At the top, it seemed we were making progress, but the sad truth was how we had fallen into a slight decline. We have stopped meeting and do not have time for each other. No, no. I stopped meeting and I didn’t have time for her.
I have always been an incompetent person in the community, and very talkative. And he totally disagrees. When I came home from work, I spent a lot of time on my laptop and cell phone. He could have been devastated by the way we parted. But I dismissed these ideas, believing that couples should start dating in order to work as marriages go on. I was very wrong.
Last year, we moved to the United States for work. Since we had no friends or family around us, we only had one. It has drawn us closer together. For the first time in eight years, I began to realize how much I had missed out on. I had such a wonderful partner. My best friend was at home, and I looked everywhere for emotional support when the chips went down. If I had just set that laptop or phone aside and talked to her, I would not have been so gray in the morning.
The arrival of a baby has brought us even closer. I was rediscovering my love for him. And I wanted to do seven years of neglect. That’s when it struck like lightning. Our times of unselfish love suddenly seemed like an eternity.
I just wish… I wish I had turned off that phone while he was talking to me, I closed that cricket match. I wish I hadn’t responded to that office email late at night and listened to him talk about what his day was like. I was also able to stay long enough to keep her company while cleaning the kitchen. I should have held my hunger to eat with him.
What could I not do to come back every minute I did not spend with him?
You always regret everything back then. I could not retrieve anything. By the time my wife was returned to the churches and entered another room in the hospital, the doctor was badly dressed. My face was embarrassed, my heart was pounding. The doctor told us that the condition was serious… but it was treatable. Relief came over me by a huge wave. But I was still scared. I was still bleeding for fear of losing the most beautiful woman in my life.
That’s when I made the decision – I don’t care what happens; I will not let the woman of my life go, for any money. I sat down next to my wife with tears in my eyes. And I told her,
“We will fight this. We have to see him grow up and walk away together ”.
He had never seen me cry, before now. Her eyes widened, but she refused. He knew it would break me.
I struggled with tears, but I couldn’t. Here is the love of my life, which has almost left me. Here is my son, who may never see the most amazing woman in his life.
Currently, she is receiving long and painful treatment. I sat next to her for hours while she did her IVs. I’m not done. It doesn’t seem to bother me. I hate remembering the past, how I could not even sit for just 10 minutes to talk to him. I don’t think I can live with him, but I’m trying to be a better husband.
I’m far from work, but it doesn’t stay in my mind. Don’t bother checking my emails. In the past, I will never miss answering an email. But, right now, there are only two things in my head – my wife and my baby. We did not get a chance to celebrate our son’s arrival two weeks ago. But we know that this too will pass and we will have a long and happy life together. This will only make us stronger. We take it slow and progress is made every day. But it lasts a long time.
I remember Robert Browning’s lines that I used to quote to cheer my wife up eight years back:
“Grow old with me
The best is yet to come,
The last of life, made for the first time; ”
I didn’t understand it at the time. It took me a critical moment for me to see its magnitude.
I’m not giving a sermon here. But I hope everyone understands that WhatsApp can wait. Office email can wait. A cricket match can wait. Love the photo on Facebook can wait. But do not let your love and your loved ones wait. You will never know it is too late. Happiness is not complete if you do not have the right people to share with.
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