‘I’m afraid an amazing number of things.
Let me be clear. I’m not afraid of big things: I left home and started a whole new life. Double. I quit my job and started my own company. . . seventeen years and is getting stronger. I write books even if no one reads them. I have given birth three times and fought during the adoption process to hold my daughter in my arms. As for the big things, it looks like I don’t have a bold end. But small things? I’m actually kind of weenie.
Skiing, ice skating, ice skating – really anything that affects my speed faster than people should have been going, while I was riding on some kind of bullet? Not at all.
I hate public toilets because I live in fear that someone will walk over me using the toilet.
Snakes are disgusting.
The Big Foot (okay, the Big Foot concept) is beyond my ability to handle.
Aliens? I just threw myself in my mouth.
I refuse to even look in the mirror in the dark because I heard about Mary Bloody when I was at a bedside party at a young age and now I have a lifelong scar.
What about El Chupacabra? El Cuco? La Llorona ?! I grew up in a very Spanish community, which meant that I had a childhood fear of two cultures!
The airplane toilet seat somehow absorbs my body and absorbs my intestines from the air? Something that gave me a moment more than once.
I am afraid of many things. Not all of them are real, though. I want you to remember all the things I just mentioned because we will talk about boldness — and the thing you really need to understand is that being brave is not the same as not being brave. There are a lot of great things that great people in history have said about courage and fear, but what touches me the most comes from Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He said, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the realization that there is something more important than fear.” Take that. Think about that.
In the case of all those little things that I am most afraid of, I have never wanted anything to escape from fear because they are not important. I don’t go through life worrying that the Signs aliens will get me out — no more, anyway — so I don’t need to do a ton of work to overcome that particular concern. Big Foot is just a myth. Deep down I know this, so I still go to the forest from time to time. Most snakes are not poisonous even if they are disgusting. Do you see what I mean?
But there are many times when our fears may be paralyzed and are often the result of painful memories we have experienced before. We are afraid to love again because we could be hurt again. We are afraid to put ourselves in that position because last year we were rejected. Now this pain is not just a difficult situation in our past, it controls our actions in the present and our future. If we are going through a difficult time or we are experiencing a great change in life it takes courage to move forward in any way. That is, in order to move forward you have to decide that there is something bigger at risk than how you feel or your fear of feeling pain again.
Did you get that?
You have to decide that something bigger is at stake than your fears!
Please note that I did not say, You will see later that something. . . No. I said you have to make a decision. You must choose to move forward by faith, not by fear. And not only that, but you will have to choose from time to time, especially on difficult days.
If you are striving to be courageous, it is not that you are lacking courage – it is simply that you are not pointing out something more important than your fears. In a difficult situation, fear is very close because fear is the mother of grief. Fear keeps you stuck in your grief. It keeps you in the process of remembering what happened, who you lost, who betrayed you or hurt you. It saves the suspended animation when the life you’ve been shooting for is unknown to you. Fear can be relieved. It takes courage to be comfortable, especially if you have already endured some type of pain that has shaken your wrist.
You may not have found something more important than your fears. . . but you can also dig deep, believing that there is a safety net.
You will never find the courage or strength to put your fears aside if they are not absolutely necessary. Change is hard and by definition, for courage to exist, you have to work for something that scares you. I know it seems like a difficult lift to deal with fear in times of trouble. None of these decisions are easy to make and therefore, if necessary and / or if something is not very important, you will remain as you are. But with courage, and only courage, where you will see for the rest of your life, even after your loss.
Things That Helped Me
Know How to Get It:
If there is one reason why I can be brave so often, it is tied inside my growing mind. I believe that even if I do it wrong, I learn something about how to do it right and not be so scared. I never thought I had all the answers so there is no pressure to do things perfectly.
It is much easier to do something if you can read stories about others who have done it before you. In an effort to muster up the courage to be an entrepreneur, I read books written by some businessmen. When I tried to learn how to be a better parent, I read books written by the kind of parents I love.
Deal With Your Fears!:
Look, when you doubt for a long time fear grows and when anxiety can get worse. I recommend that you take your favorite booklet and write down your black and white threats: Something I’m most afraid of right now. . . Then fill in the blanks. Have the courage to be honest with yourself.
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