Don’t complain about things you can’t change. Simply saying can do that, can’t it? Complaints are so natural to us that we do not take them seriously. For most people, it is easier to connect with shared dislikes than to share preferences. You meet a new friend and complain about the cold weather or your indifference to used high-waisted jeans. It makes you feel connected. But complaining can have long-term psychological, emotional, and physical consequences. And let’s face it: Complaints seldom resolve anything. So how do we break free? It begins with understanding the deep, natural feelings we had long before we knew it. And then it’s about transforming your mind into something better when you realize that any burglary takes time, patience and commitment. Ready to get started?
- Understand why you see the need to complain.
Complaining is a way to deal with problems. And the first step to changing the way you deal with unhealthy eating is to identify when and why. For example, an overworked employee may complain of a decrease in pressure. A struggling student may complain because they do not know how to solve a nearby problem. But coping strategies can be ethically learned. Some people face this situation because they grew up in a complaining family. The act of complaining becomes a second nature. To identify the root of your problem, ask yourself after all the circumstances of the complaint. Here are some sample questions:
How do I feel right now?
Does this complaint work?
What can I do to resolve my issue?
Can anyone help me solve this problem?
Is this a recurring complaint or a single situation?
Be careful when conversing with yourself; this is no time to be wishy-washy or to yield to another’s opinion. Once you have found the source of your strength to deal with the situation, you can begin to reverse the automatic response – complaining, in this case – and instead learn to respond intentionally and clearly.
- Create a space where you can express your feelings in a healthy way.
Contrary to popular belief, refraining from complaining does not mean that you remain optimistic and positive. That mindset takes time and patience to develop, and if you expect too much soon, you will probably end up frustrated (and possibly complaining). Instead of complaining about the temporary heat, create a space to express after the negative emotions have passed. Voting, in contrast to complaining, is a way of expressing frustration without the emotions that are appealing. Here is the difference:
Suppose a workmate has a bad habit of interrupting you during meetings. He glanced a few times at her side, but didn’t seem to get any hints. Each meeting makes you feel even more annoyed, so you complain to a colleague after each meeting. In the midst of those complaints, he ends up putting a few jabs in the form of their weird desk and why in the world he fixes that hair. Now you’re feeling really bad and maybe a little guilty – and you still haven’t solved the problem. Imagine giving yourself 10 or 20 minutes to calm down before talking to a coworker, or even the person who is disturbing you. Imagine if you could say, “Oh, Laura, I have a problem with meetings because I don’t feel like I can get the perfect idea before someone interrupts me. What would you suggest? “Or,” Hey Steven, I really appreciate your comments at the meeting, and I would appreciate it if you would also give me the opportunity to share my own. ” Even if the solution you hope for does not work, you will still be able to file a complaint and avoid harmful gossip that you may not have intended.
- Understand the cost.
Perhaps the most important aspect of complaining is understanding who is hurting the most: you. Complaining may make you feel better right now, but that negative talk has negative consequences. Science has proven that complaining – both listening and speaking – causes the brain to release stress hormones. Over time, stress hormones can lead to cognitive decline, heart problems, and intestinal problems.
At the emotional level, complaining simply makes us feel worse. Not only do we fail to solve the problem by complaining, but we also extend the time we spend on negative thoughts. In other words, we steal happiness without solving the problem. At any time, you can choose to change your mind.
- Pretend you are happy.
Okay, you don’t have to feel happy to arouse feelings of happiness. Science has proved that by imitating the senses of happiness – such as smiling or laughing – the emotional response follows. This is known as the “facial feedback hypothesis.” To reinforce this view, then-Yale psychologist Sigal Barsade, Ph.D. he did a study that found that happiness is contagious. When one person agrees to enter a room, the confidence of the entire group increases. (Extra bonus: They also do better at work.)
The next time you hear a complaint coming – in a weird way – force your face to be happy. Create a result by saying something good to the first person you see. Notice how you feel after a few minutes.
- Challenge yourself.
For natural competitors to learn this, take your non-complaining goal as a new challenge. Can you walk all day without complaining? What about a week? The moon? Make it a challenge and ask a friend or colleague to join you for more self-reflection.
- Remember, though, that this is no time to be wishy-washy or to yield to another’s opinion. If you are unable to do the day or the hour, remind yourself that this practice has been with you for years; change takes time. The key is to see the complaint as it unfolds, to identify the source of the problem, and to turn your brain (and face) into a positive outlook. Keep a diary during your challenge and write down your daily thoughts and feelings. Each day, you will become more and more accustomed to complaining. Before you know it, you’ll be building a room for everyone to improve.
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